physically speaking, not such a happy new year

I can't believe we're heading into the third week of the new year already! Where does the time go? There never seems to be enough time in the day/week/month to get everything done, yet somehow it passes like a blink of the eye.

Now if you asked me "where does the fat go?" I could tell you exactly where. Right around my middle. Ugh! As I mentioned in November I have a muffin top; one that's increased since then due to my not doing a damned thing about it. Part of it is the time factor, but basically the most of it's been falling back into some bad habits I thought I'd broken and sheer laziness.

I realized the other day after eating out 3 times in one week (3 times more than I've done in a single week in a long, long time) that not only were the eating out food choices I'd made very poor, but my at home eating has plummeted to an all time low. When you can't remember the last time you ate a vegetable, not counting the salsa (if you can even count that) on your chips or the single slice of lettuce and tomato on your roast beef sandwich, you've been making very poor food choices. Yup, that sums it up for me! I'm spiraling into the carb overload mode and my body is feeling it in more ways then one.

First there's the waistline, or to be more accurate the "disappearing" waistline. Second, the interrupted sleep pattern. And third, the complete lack of energy. The crazy thing about all of this is the scale doesn't show any change. I always fluctuate 2-4 lbs. whether I'm strictly watching myself or not. And this is the time of the year when all of these things occur - post holiday - so on the surface it seems normal.

But it isn't. Believe me when I tell you after working hard to lose the 40 lbs. I've lost I know this is my "wake up call" to do something about it. Which circles me back to the time and laziness factors. Grrr! Why is it always the neverending boom-a-rang cycle that kills us?

As I pointed out this morning, Liss has started trying out healthier menu planning for the week and, being that she loves to cook, is trying out some really yummy sounding recipes that she was willing to share. I want to try this out as well though might not use all of her recipes with having to feed the little man too, but it's a good start. But I also know what I really need to do, and the thought of it frustrates me. I honestly need to GET OFF MY ASS and get doing something. This stupid climate we live in really makes it hard to get outside most days (except for days like today when I should have taken the opportunity while it was there but chose to park it and watch football all freakin' day) so that leaves me either joining a gym (yeah, fat chance - no pun intended - of that happening with my tight budget and limited time) or finding something at home that will get me moving again.

So help a girl out. What sort of activities have you found that work? And, maybe even more important, how do you incorporate them into your schedules and actually stick with them?

Ichi, Ni, San... Karate

Last week the kiddo started karate. As a full member at the YMCA, the class is free, and since I listened to him ask to try kick boxing all summer long as we drove by the local dojo I figured I'd start him in karate and see where it went from there. The Sensei has been instructing for some 38 years or so, and is tough. During the first lesson he opened the class to the parents saying "it will help your children to learn what they are learning... and it might do you good too." So, this week, I took him up on the offer.

Tuesday I went prepared to do some karate. What I was not prepared for was feeling like a total klutz. I mean how hard could jabbing and jumping and kicking be? Let me tell you. It's hard! Really hard. This takes complete concentration, focus, and coordination. Any little distraction, and it's all over. No wonder he's so adament about "no talking". We stretched, and did I ever find out what muscles I haven't used in forever. We punched. We blocked. We kicked. We did them all together. And I had a blast.

And today, with muscles still aching from Tuesday, I did it all again.

It's a great workout, and one I get to share with my son. Finally I've found something that makes me happy, makes me feel good, and is good for me. And I'm sticking to it.

I Did It! I Got Off My Tuckus!!

Well, actually I sat on my tuckus to do most of the exercising I did, but I did exercise today.

Started in with 20 minutes of various exercises including crunches, curls, arm and leg raises, shoulder curls, and heel raises. Then I hit the bike and did 2 miles. Whoa! Can I ever tell I haven't been moving much lately. That ride was hard, but I knew it probably would be.

I'm sure I'll be sore as hell tomorrow, but it was worth it. Now if I can just get something in tomorrow as well, sore or not.

I Thought About Exercise Today. Does That Count?

I am truly not off to a very good start on my exercise plan for the week. Ugh!

Monday was a total bust with trying to figure out wth is wrong with my dryer. Pulled it out, flipped it over, checked the lint traps and vents, but can't get it open to see what's making the noise. Does that count as exercise? Probably not since it's so light. Then there was the complete meltdown I almost had when my computer shut off again and this time wouldn't come back on for almost an hour. Oh good lord! Thankfully it's still hobbling along and an awesome friend offered to build me a new one. You rock!

Today. Well I really don't have any excuse for today other than I'm a complete slacker. I spent the morning working on stuff around the house and talking on the phone. Finally got in the shower with the intention of picking up the kid from school and having him take a walk with me since the weather was absolutely gorgeous today. See, I thought about it. Instead, I took my shower, had a sinking spell, and cat napped until it was time to pick him up. When I got to school he asked if he could play for a little while and 45 minutes later I told him we needed to go. After two store stops, and back home for homework time, it was time for dinner.

Obviously I'm not making it a priority. And obviously that needs to change.

So, that plan for tomorrow is this. Get up. Get the kid to school. Then come home and exercise before sitting my butt down or getting on the phone.

Wish me luck.

The End of Week 1

So here I am at the end of Week 1. It's ugly, my readers. Very, very ugly!! The number on the scale, that is. But first, let me review the goals I set for myself this week.

Drinking water. This one, surprisingly, turned out to be the easiest. Over the course of the week I consumed no less than 48 oz. of water every day, with yesterday topping the chart at 126 oz. Egads that's a lot of water!! I'm sure my little drunken episode on Friday night contributed to the completely dehydrated unquenchable thirst I felt yesterday. It hit me hard, folks. This gettin' healthy shit is dimmin' the lights of the 'party girl' me.

Eat breakfast. I made it through until yesterday with eating breakfast every morning by 9am. I got off track yesterday morning cuz I needed to be at the school to help move the classroom back now that the storm damage has been prepared. Then I had a donut. Bad, bad girl! The rest of the week I was good though. And what did it do? It made me hungry as a horse all freakin' day long!! OMG! I consumed more food last week than I used to eat in two weeks of not eating breakfast. And I was waking up hungry. I mean my stomach was literally screaming for food and would not be quiet until I gave it some. This is supposedly because I'm kicking my metabolism into gear, but c'mon. I can't keep eating so much food every day or I'll be back to the old me in the blink of an eye.

Exercise. Uh, yeah. Notsomuch. I'm not sure if it was the bloated feeling from drinking all that water, the post-eating draggies from all the damn food I was eating, or my metabolism trying to figure out how to work with the manufactured thyroxin I choke down my throat every morning, but exercise did not play a part in my week. Well, maybe a little yesterday with the classroom move, cleaning the house, and doing the laundry (up and down the stairs). Other than that, I took lots of naps and fought with my sleep schedule.

Writing. Didn't do much writing either, did I? For whatever reason my brain grabbed hold of the changes I was making and didn't rebel on me. I wasn't sitting there thinking about stuffing my face at night. And, since the week was fairly stable and my emotions were in check, I didn't have a lot of whining, or bitching, or moaning to do. It's a good thing I didn't try to write on Friday night though. You would have had a hard time trying to decipher what I was saying.

Now I head into Week 2. This week will be focused on exercising. I know it's the next step, and I want to take it. I'm just so bad at doing it unless I've got someone kicking me in the ass. So, this is your chance. Help get me moving. Give me a swift kick.

But in return you need to tell me what form of exercise works for you, and why you like it. I just haven't found anything that grabs me more than once or twice. So share your workout routines with me. Maybe I'll find something I like and will stick with.

Starting Off

My goals for this week are pretty basic but I've got to start somewhere, eh?

• drink more water
• eat breakfast
• incorporate exercise into my routine at least 3 times this week
• come here and write about whatever when I feel like it

Drinking water will be the hardest of the three for me to do. I am not, and never have been, a good water drinker. I just don't like plain water. Even though I know it's good for me, and that my body needs it, I have a hard time just sitting down and drinking water. So, as with any program I try to follow, I'll make adjustments along the way.

Eating breakfast sucks. I've not been a breakfast eater since I was a kid. It always makes me more hungry throughout the day, but supposedly it will boost my metabolism. We'll see.

Finding the time to exercise won't be a problem. It's actually doing it that will be hard. No excuses this time. I know I feel better when I exercise - I have more energy, I sleep better, and I'm less sassy. I just need to get off my ass and get moving.

Obviously the writing won't be a problem. And that's why I started this blog - to have an outlet to babble about whatever I want to. It's not to entertain others, it's for me. Of course if you're reading this, you're welcome to comment, or not. It's up to you.

Oh, and I won't be weighing myself every day either. It doesn't make sense to do so since I know initially I'll probably gain a few pounds from water weight. It'll be a sporadic thing and I'll let my clothes be my guide for now because for me a number on a scale doesn't mean shit. It's how I look and feel to myself that guides me in the positive direction.

Today's mood: a bit tired - it's early

Getting Ready to Make Some Major Changes

As I approach turning 40 I can't help but reflect on all the changes I've gone through in the past few years and think "What's next?" for the future. In an attempt to actually follow through with the next step of my life changing progression, I am starting this online journal of my actions, or inactions, to finally get with the program - for real this time.

In 2004 I was a very unhappy, and unhealthy, girl. With the separation and subsequent end of my marriage, I was topping the scale at the embarrassing weight of 190 lbs. On a 5' 7-1/2" frame you would think I would have been mortified - but I wasn't. I didn't see the "real" me when looking in the mirror. Just the me I thought I had always been. I was so far from reality it was ridiculous. When I finally realized I needed to make some changes, I refused to change because I didn't think I was worth it. However, the one good thing I can say about stress and major life unhappiness is it kicked my butt into gear whether I was ready or not. So I rode with it.

By the end of 2005, when I went back to work for the first time in 5 years, I had somehow (in spite of myself) dropped 13 lbs. This was a great start, but still not enough. I was at the same weight I got to after the birth of my son - the same weight I'd plateaued at and hadn't budged from for several years. It was depressing. Getting out of the house, working at a company with a fairly good sized campus that had lots of stairs (and actually using them even if it was just to go down to the smoker's lounge and back up again) helped. Then a co-worker friend and I started walking together every day at lunch. That's when I really started seeing some good progress. When I had to go out and buy new clothes because my pants were literally falling off my ass, I knew I was on my way!

I lost my job in August 2006 but continued my weight loss journey. Even though I wasn't walking every day, and hadn't replaced that with some other form of exercise, I was able to continue losing and finally, after years of failure and frustration, made it to my goal weight of 157 lbs. This was some random number I'd set in my brain thinking it was completely unattainable, but I'd finally gotten there nonetheless. And... I kept losing. Even through the holidays. At my lowest weight in over 20 years I was down to 148 lbs.

Then reality set in. The stress of being unemployed started to take its toll. Feeling the seclusion from adult interaction, lack of companionship, lack of financial security, and the inability to give or receive love hovered over me. And ultimately, the pounds started creeping back on. Slowly, albeit, but still coming back.

Today I weigh 153 lbs. Not bad considering. But now I know there is something negative happening and am aware that something needs to be done about it. Weight is just a number, and not one that I am ultimately obsessed with. What I am striving for is a more healthy lifestyle - in general. One that allows me to eat, and drink, and enjoy life to the fullest. One that makes me happy, and doesn't keep me on a leash. One that makes me feel accomplished because it IS one of the few things I can control.

This is the start of the continuation of my journey. My journey will be about:

1. incorporating exercise into my life, and sticking with it
2. continuing my weight loss
3. quitting smoking
4. and generally feeling better and healthier overall

And this blog will be my journal of truths, achievements, disappointments, and everything in between.

Today's weight: 153 lbs.
Today's mood: encouraged