The End of Week 1

So here I am at the end of Week 1. It's ugly, my readers. Very, very ugly!! The number on the scale, that is. But first, let me review the goals I set for myself this week.

Drinking water. This one, surprisingly, turned out to be the easiest. Over the course of the week I consumed no less than 48 oz. of water every day, with yesterday topping the chart at 126 oz. Egads that's a lot of water!! I'm sure my little drunken episode on Friday night contributed to the completely dehydrated unquenchable thirst I felt yesterday. It hit me hard, folks. This gettin' healthy shit is dimmin' the lights of the 'party girl' me.

Eat breakfast. I made it through until yesterday with eating breakfast every morning by 9am. I got off track yesterday morning cuz I needed to be at the school to help move the classroom back now that the storm damage has been prepared. Then I had a donut. Bad, bad girl! The rest of the week I was good though. And what did it do? It made me hungry as a horse all freakin' day long!! OMG! I consumed more food last week than I used to eat in two weeks of not eating breakfast. And I was waking up hungry. I mean my stomach was literally screaming for food and would not be quiet until I gave it some. This is supposedly because I'm kicking my metabolism into gear, but c'mon. I can't keep eating so much food every day or I'll be back to the old me in the blink of an eye.

Exercise. Uh, yeah. Notsomuch. I'm not sure if it was the bloated feeling from drinking all that water, the post-eating draggies from all the damn food I was eating, or my metabolism trying to figure out how to work with the manufactured thyroxin I choke down my throat every morning, but exercise did not play a part in my week. Well, maybe a little yesterday with the classroom move, cleaning the house, and doing the laundry (up and down the stairs). Other than that, I took lots of naps and fought with my sleep schedule.

Writing. Didn't do much writing either, did I? For whatever reason my brain grabbed hold of the changes I was making and didn't rebel on me. I wasn't sitting there thinking about stuffing my face at night. And, since the week was fairly stable and my emotions were in check, I didn't have a lot of whining, or bitching, or moaning to do. It's a good thing I didn't try to write on Friday night though. You would have had a hard time trying to decipher what I was saying.

Now I head into Week 2. This week will be focused on exercising. I know it's the next step, and I want to take it. I'm just so bad at doing it unless I've got someone kicking me in the ass. So, this is your chance. Help get me moving. Give me a swift kick.

But in return you need to tell me what form of exercise works for you, and why you like it. I just haven't found anything that grabs me more than once or twice. So share your workout routines with me. Maybe I'll find something I like and will stick with.

Getting Ready to Make Some Major Changes

As I approach turning 40 I can't help but reflect on all the changes I've gone through in the past few years and think "What's next?" for the future. In an attempt to actually follow through with the next step of my life changing progression, I am starting this online journal of my actions, or inactions, to finally get with the program - for real this time.

In 2004 I was a very unhappy, and unhealthy, girl. With the separation and subsequent end of my marriage, I was topping the scale at the embarrassing weight of 190 lbs. On a 5' 7-1/2" frame you would think I would have been mortified - but I wasn't. I didn't see the "real" me when looking in the mirror. Just the me I thought I had always been. I was so far from reality it was ridiculous. When I finally realized I needed to make some changes, I refused to change because I didn't think I was worth it. However, the one good thing I can say about stress and major life unhappiness is it kicked my butt into gear whether I was ready or not. So I rode with it.

By the end of 2005, when I went back to work for the first time in 5 years, I had somehow (in spite of myself) dropped 13 lbs. This was a great start, but still not enough. I was at the same weight I got to after the birth of my son - the same weight I'd plateaued at and hadn't budged from for several years. It was depressing. Getting out of the house, working at a company with a fairly good sized campus that had lots of stairs (and actually using them even if it was just to go down to the smoker's lounge and back up again) helped. Then a co-worker friend and I started walking together every day at lunch. That's when I really started seeing some good progress. When I had to go out and buy new clothes because my pants were literally falling off my ass, I knew I was on my way!

I lost my job in August 2006 but continued my weight loss journey. Even though I wasn't walking every day, and hadn't replaced that with some other form of exercise, I was able to continue losing and finally, after years of failure and frustration, made it to my goal weight of 157 lbs. This was some random number I'd set in my brain thinking it was completely unattainable, but I'd finally gotten there nonetheless. And... I kept losing. Even through the holidays. At my lowest weight in over 20 years I was down to 148 lbs.

Then reality set in. The stress of being unemployed started to take its toll. Feeling the seclusion from adult interaction, lack of companionship, lack of financial security, and the inability to give or receive love hovered over me. And ultimately, the pounds started creeping back on. Slowly, albeit, but still coming back.

Today I weigh 153 lbs. Not bad considering. But now I know there is something negative happening and am aware that something needs to be done about it. Weight is just a number, and not one that I am ultimately obsessed with. What I am striving for is a more healthy lifestyle - in general. One that allows me to eat, and drink, and enjoy life to the fullest. One that makes me happy, and doesn't keep me on a leash. One that makes me feel accomplished because it IS one of the few things I can control.

This is the start of the continuation of my journey. My journey will be about:

1. incorporating exercise into my life, and sticking with it
2. continuing my weight loss
3. quitting smoking
4. and generally feeling better and healthier overall

And this blog will be my journal of truths, achievements, disappointments, and everything in between.

Today's weight: 153 lbs.
Today's mood: encouraged